


all i have is hope

by calicocalories



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 10:22:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20722634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicocalories/pseuds/calicocalories
Summary: phil tries to get through life after his significant other, dan, dies. he doesnt believe he'll get through it, he feels so alone, but is he truly alone?





	all i have is hope

**Author's Note:**

> phil tries to get through life after his significant other, dan, dies. he doesnt believe he'll get through it, he feels so alone, but is he truly alone?

It was just three months ago...

I still remember the day clearly

"I'm so excited to finally bring her home, aren't you Dan? You haven't talked this entire time."

"Uh- I- erm... Yeah, yeah I'm excited just..."

I already knew what he was going to say.

"Worried?"

"Yeah, I mean, I- I know we've taken the classes, we know the basics, but... But what if we still aren't ready for this 'parenting thing' like, like what if she finds a broken wire and- And she-"

He was freaking out, overthinking things as usual

"Dan."

But that was Dan

"And because she's so young, all she wants to do is jam shit in her mouth, so, so she wouldn't-"

The man that I loved

"Dan, it'll all be fine. Trust me."

"You're- You're right, I should just, just shut the hell up."

"Good, you're going to start making me worry, too, you aren't the only one who's nervous about all this."

And I remember just sitting there for a minute, not saying anything.

"I'm glad"

"Huh?"

"I'm glad that I'm doing this with you."

I thought that at that moment, our family would finally be complete. That we would be happy forever.

"Me, too."

"I love you, don't EVER forget that, alright?"

"Teheh, alright, alright, and I love you."

We just sat there for a minute, we didn't talk, we just sat there, holding hands. We were expecting a whole new future together

"WAIT, DAN WATCH OUT!"

Just not this one

"SHIT-"

No, I wasn't ready for this

"DAN!"

Not at all

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three Months Later

"Ughhhh..." I woke up with the sun's light shining in my eyes, which were still puffy from crying last night. There was drool all over my pillow and my nose was a bit runny, and the room was silent. I assumed that Winnie was still sleeping considering I didn't hear her ear-piercing screams, but I knew that it wouldn't be too long.

"I should go and check on her..." I got up and grabbed my glasses from my bedside table, I noticed the photograph left loosely in a frame behind them. Dan and I's wedding picture. I picked it up and held it in my hands.

"Goodmorning Dan, wish me luck for today," I said as I lightly kissed the picture before setting it back down in the same place that it was. I walked out into the hall to Winnie's door, her name was spelled in bubble letters on it. I remember Dan spending nearly an hour just to make it look perfect, he wanted everything to look "as amazing as she was." I laughed to myself while remembering how on edge he was about bringing her home.

"Winnie~" I cracked open the door and peeked in. I heard her light breaths, and I saw her all tucked in like a burrito. Seemed like she was still sleeping. I didn't try to wake her, I figured she must need it since she didn't usually sleep this long in the morning. I closed the door and headed to the kitchen to make my morning coffee. 

"Shit!" I burnt my hand on some of the coffee that had spilled on the side of the mug. I was going to head to the lounge before my phone, still sitting in my room, started to ring. I went to grab it, and I was shocked by whose voice it was.

"Hello, Phil?"

"Oh, um, Hi Louise. I wasn't expecting you to call so early."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just wanted to check in on... How you're dealing with things."

"Oh, yeah, I'm, well, I guess..." I didn't really know what to say. I couldn't just tell her that I've been crying nonstop every day and night.

"Um, I've- I've been fine Louise, thank you." I lied.

"That's good, um, I'll be sure to come and pick Winnie up to watch her so you can go to your appointment."

"Appointme- Oh! Damnit, I completely forgot, thank you for reminding me."

"No problem Phil, and I hope that these therapy sessions help, even if only a little bit"

"Yeah, me too... Anyway, I better start getting ready then."

"Mmhm, I'll see when I'm there then, Phil."

"See you later Louise, thank you."

I hung up and started to get changed, I would've taken a shower but I didn't think it mattered. By the time I was done Winnie had woken up. I scooped her out of her crib and brought her to the kitchen to feed her.

"Winnie, what do you feel like having, strawberries and bananas, peach and mango, or do you want to throw everything everywhere like yesterday?"

All she did was drool, though I didn't expect much from a six-month-old. No matter how amazing she a was, she was still just a baby. 

\---------------------------------------------------

After I was down wrestling Winnie to get the food in her mouth, I heard someone knock at the door. From the unique way of knocking I assumed it was Louise.

"Hi, Louise, thanks for coming," I tried to not sound as exhausted as I was.

"Oh, no problem, trust me, I've had plenty of practice!"

"Yeah, I'm still just a newbie. Well, I- um, I've got to go now."

"Mmhm, we'll see you in a little bit, isn't that right, Winnie? Say 'Byeee daddyyy!" She lightly held Winnie's hand up and waved it.

I laughed, Louise's humour reminded me of Dan's, but a little less vulgar. I waved goodbye and walked out. I turned back to look at the door, now wanting to leave, but I forced myself to turn back and keep going forward. This is for the best I thought, this is for Winnie, for everyone... for Dan.


End file.
